Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
