Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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