He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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