R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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