hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
