We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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