if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize