Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
