Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
