My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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