so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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