we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
smell my finger.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
