I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
