Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
