if you like me you must not know who I am
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Send help, water and tortillas.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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