You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
