Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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