i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
