I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
