but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
