a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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