I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
