ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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