he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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