He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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