DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
