I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have fence marks all over my body
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
