I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
