looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
