Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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