So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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