how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
