Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
