did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize