I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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