you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
