woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
