so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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