New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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