Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize