I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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