im holly from the hills drunk
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
