pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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