Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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