i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
