I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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