It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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