i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
