how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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