my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The adults are the big ones right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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