I should be sponsored by Trojan
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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