"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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