When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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