I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize