just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
