Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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