Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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