Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
