I will die if light touches me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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